Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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