Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
