3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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