you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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