You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
