Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
