Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
