lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
