So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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