great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
