i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
