can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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