He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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