She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
