Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
