Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
