It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
