Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
