Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
