Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
