I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
