Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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