My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
