Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
