you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
