Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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