btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
