I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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