I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
