dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
