I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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