Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
