so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
