Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
