Do you still have your period?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
