I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
