i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
