I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
