I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
