Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
