I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i now understand why vodka
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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