if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
