this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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