This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
