As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
