take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
