I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
