she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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