Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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