She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
