Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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