Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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