I think i peed on brittanys purse
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
