dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
