During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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