oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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