Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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