So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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