Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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