When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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