please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
