is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
