Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
