marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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