Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
being pregnant is like rehab
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
