Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
