Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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