I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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