I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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