saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
