So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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