I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
