I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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