Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
