I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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