My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
