So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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