I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm always down for nudity.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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