Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
