I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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