We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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