I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize