I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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