if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
