he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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